Foreword: You've seen The Hangover movies, right? This night could have easily turned into The Hangover Part IV. Luckily, we all made it out in one piece, no one went to jail and everyone made it to their plane/shuttle on time, even if just barely.
China CX Part 2
Post closing-ceremony everyone was pretty amped up and with some riders with shuttle rides to the airport at 3:30 am the choice was either go the bed at 9pm and get a few hours of fitful sleep or see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves into. The Americans obviously chose the latter option.
With the race effort still in our legs we decided to start off at the pyramid of spa/massage awesomeness. I know the US Dollar is pretty strong against the Chinese Yuan but a 50 minute foot/lower leg massage for $22 and then another 4 hours in the hot spring resort for a grand total of $43? Pretty tough to complain about that.
This place is incredible, heated marble slabs for massage, dozens (yes, literally dozens) of hot springs pools and karaoke somewhere else in the pyramid.
After the massage the American grouped together and eventually closed the place down at midnight. I'm positive we jumped in every pool (at least once) and even sampled the pool with the skin-nibbling fish. I lasted 30 seconds in that one but at least I can say I did it.
At midnight we faced the same question, try and get a few fitful hours of sleep until one group had to leave at 3:30 or see what "night life" we can find in the town. Again, who wants to sleep when it's your last night in China?
We started wandering towards where we'd seen civilization during the day and somehow managed to add a trashed British junior to our group. Whatever, he played it cool. Two blocks away from the hotel and another British riders comes running after us yelling for us to wait up. Now this guy looked more like a rugby player with short-man syndrome than a cyclist; oh, and he was blitzed out of his mind. We had to ditch him.
Eventually we distanced ourselves with the British guys in search of the 24-hour KFC while we "headed home." Not. We walked a block over and found a place with neon signs that looked like a restaurant.
Within a minute of sitting down on the patio we knew this was going to be interesting. The owner didn't speak English and we of course didn't speak Chinese. Initially we tried communicating through translation programs on smart phones and quickly gave up on that. The sign for drinking is pretty universal and we pointed to a bottle which was promptly brought to our table, opened and poured for the seven of us. You know it's a classy establishment when a fifth of whatever that rice-based liquor only cost $5.
A round of beers and several mini-flasks of what I dubbed "rice death" (liquor) later we decided it would be a good idea to order food. Of course, menu is in Chinese and completely devoid of pictures. Challenge accepted. Use a translation program to help us out? Hell no, we went full charades. I can't imagine what a passerby would have thought looking in at us, 7 Americans acting out pig, cow and chicken noises/motions and two Chinese waiters doing their best to keep up with us.
At some point there was a little confusion and we thought we were being asked to pay right now. We dumped about 400 Yuan (about $65) on the table and the owner's eyes lit up. Soon he was bringing us fistfuls of skewers and more mini-flasks of rice death than any of us care to remember. Heck, he even sat down and drank with us and offered us smokes. This guy seemed to like us (or at least our very poor understanding of Chinese currency). At one point one member of our group ordered a fish on a stick and after some communication struggles the owner brought out a frozen one. No, no, cooked. And just like that, the owner brought out a full (cooked) fish on a stick.
As the clock neared 2am and after receiving a few angry looks from the upstairs neighbors we decided to order one more round of "MOO" and then head out. This time the owner brought out two handfuls of skewers. One was definitely beef but the other one was a lighter, pale, tissue-looking thing. After setting to work on these we tried asking what it was. We received the following answer: "MOO" (complete with cow ear motions) and then the owner pantomimed ripping open his rib cage and a beating heart. Hey, only in China, right?
A little past 2am we finally said our goodbyes and started to wander back towards the hotel. Our group peered in the window at a "massage parlor" (yes, still open past 2am) and decided not to risk that, instead opting to get the more impaired members of our party back to the hotel so they could make their shuttle. One the way back our party of seven split into three groups of varying levels of impairment. Let it be known that this is the only time I will be in the lead group when these people are involved. Get bikes involved and it's exactly the opposite order. Someone from Group 3 tosses a bottle and it breaks in the street. Group 1 takes off and I get the holeshot. We enjoy a spirited walk back to the hotel thinking the entire time "in the US that would merit at least a stop by a cop, what happens in China?" We didn't want to find out.
Everyone eventually made it back to the hotel without further incident and with half an hour to spare to get the people who needed it on the 3:30 shuttle. I declare the evening a success.
Now the question, try and grab a couple hours of sleep or just stay up until my 7:30 shuttle?
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| massage receipt |
This place is incredible, heated marble slabs for massage, dozens (yes, literally dozens) of hot springs pools and karaoke somewhere else in the pyramid.
After the massage the American grouped together and eventually closed the place down at midnight. I'm positive we jumped in every pool (at least once) and even sampled the pool with the skin-nibbling fish. I lasted 30 seconds in that one but at least I can say I did it.
At midnight we faced the same question, try and get a few fitful hours of sleep until one group had to leave at 3:30 or see what "night life" we can find in the town. Again, who wants to sleep when it's your last night in China?
We started wandering towards where we'd seen civilization during the day and somehow managed to add a trashed British junior to our group. Whatever, he played it cool. Two blocks away from the hotel and another British riders comes running after us yelling for us to wait up. Now this guy looked more like a rugby player with short-man syndrome than a cyclist; oh, and he was blitzed out of his mind. We had to ditch him.
Eventually we distanced ourselves with the British guys in search of the 24-hour KFC while we "headed home." Not. We walked a block over and found a place with neon signs that looked like a restaurant.
Within a minute of sitting down on the patio we knew this was going to be interesting. The owner didn't speak English and we of course didn't speak Chinese. Initially we tried communicating through translation programs on smart phones and quickly gave up on that. The sign for drinking is pretty universal and we pointed to a bottle which was promptly brought to our table, opened and poured for the seven of us. You know it's a classy establishment when a fifth of whatever that rice-based liquor only cost $5.
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| liquid rice death |
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| rice-based Jägermeister (terrible) |
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| the remains of the fish |
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| the damage from the evening |
Everyone eventually made it back to the hotel without further incident and with half an hour to spare to get the people who needed it on the 3:30 shuttle. I declare the evening a success.
Now the question, try and grab a couple hours of sleep or just stay up until my 7:30 shuttle?
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