Instead of a race report this post is more of an open letter to my teammates, friends and everyone else supports me both on and off the bike.
I let you guys down today. There are about a hundred different excuses I could make for my performance today but in the end I wasn't able to get the job done. Of all courses in the Cross Crusade series this was my course: some really good power sections, not a whole lot of energy-sucking mud and two longer run ups. I should have dominated. I'd wanted a top-20 place all season and this was my opportunity yet I didn't even put the effort in.
What it comes down to is I let you down. My body showed up primed for this race but my brain didn't come prepared to do what it needed to. I had the best possible starting position (right behind all the call ups) and I left it ride away from me. Even when my teammate came past and tried to motivate me I wasn't able to hang, I let him go by as I continued to go backwards.
I keep trying to tell myself that I've had a pretty good run of races so I was about due for a crappy race but it's not true, today was all on me. At the end of the day I can sit around making excuses or I can accept that I didn't complete that task handed to me. I choose the later.
I'm not unhappy with my result today (very, very close to the end) but what I am unhappy about is the way I achieved it. I feel that I've let down my team and each one of you. I'm sorry and I won't let this happen again.
A few quick notes then I'm done:
CS and TS; Bend Memorial: you guys have a long drive back to Bend but instead of taking off right after CS's race you stick around and cheer me on. Thank you for this. It's awesome to have people from other team's cheering for you.
JL; Team O: J, you race in the morning yet stick around through the last race of the day. I heard the disappointment in your voice grow with each lap and it absolutely killed me inside to know that I was letting you down. I really do appreciate you sticking around and all the support on the course.
JA, RA, anyone else; Team O: There's not a whole lot to say. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be the one out there mixing it up with the big guns and I let you guys down. I'm sorry I rode our kit into last place today.
CB, AM, R?, HK; U of P: I'm supposed to be motivating news riders and showing that college kids can kick these old rich guy's butts (forgive the generality anyone older than 24 and making more than $10k/year).
I still argue that I have one of the best cheering sections out there. I'm just sorry I didn't perform today.
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| photo credit: Matt Haughey |
Dude, one bad race from ,as far as I can tell from you blog, should not put you in the dumps. Think about this your are competing at a high level while going through school not an easy feat. Next time you will go out there and show them what you can do. Keep on rocking I am looking forward to your next rare report.
ReplyDeleteWow! Go easy on yourself. This is bike racing - not life! Even the pros have days like that. It's a learning experience. Take a break for a week or so and get your head back. We're in for a wet winter and you'll need some inner strength to get through the crud.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be mentally and probably physically stronger the next time out.
Remember that the road season is just around the corner.
Scott H.
I thought I saw you go down in the mud before the finish line run-up and you were bashing your front wheel a bit after getting up. What happened in that crash?
ReplyDeletethanks for all the encouragement guys. I realize it's just a bike race and that I'm not Superman but this is the first time I've showed up to a race and just not ridden. Can't seem to just let that one go.
ReplyDelete@Matt- my front wheel found a nice deep hole and decided to make friends. I was in the hoods at the time and the stem/bar interface wasn't tight enough-the bars slipped way down. You saw me trying to reposition the bars into a somewhat ridable position. Probably didn't look the best from the outside...
Here's a little song i wrote,
ReplyDeleteyou might want to sing it note for note,
don't worry, be happy
in every life we have some trouble,
when you worry you make it double
don't worry, be happy
dont worry be happy now
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
aint got no place to lay your head,
somebody came and took your bed,
don't worry, be happy
- A little note from your loving hippy friend who loves you very much. I am always proud of you and your racing ability. Bad races happen but I know your not throwing in your towel. BOB MARLEY obviously also knows :)